It seemed I dozed on the periphery for a long time. I observed the coming and going of weather, the seasonal hum of insects and flowers, and the blooming and withering of all things. Of all things, that is, that I could see and had the capacity to comprehend.
There was a time when I believed I had very little say about my life. There was a time when I thought I had no authority to confront not just the challenges but also the horrific experiences I endured as a child. As a child, I thought that’s just the way things were; that’s just how life is. Later, as the daughter of impoverished immigrants who did not speak English as their first language, I continued to find many reasons to support my impression that I was a victim of circumstances. I thought my lot in life was destined to be one of severe limitations. As children, we are dependent. We have not come into ourselves and do not yet possess the same powers of self-awareness, intellect, and ferocity that we do as adults. It is easy to make meaning about what life is, and to hold on to that meaning because it made so much sense at the time. I did, however, come in with an insatiable curiosity to understand both etiology and causation. This deep need to KNOW how everything comes together was compelling enough to keep me going where I might have otherwise given up. This is not to say that I do not, from time to time, retreat. Inevitably, something always kicks my ass and forces me to get up off the ground.
I was compelled to engage. After all, I had to eat to live. I had to dress for warmth and protection. I had to go to school and interact, to some greater or lesser extent, with the other children. At night, I entered the realm of dreams, where I created relationships and formed strange connections with the inhabitants of different worlds and dimensions. Gradually, all my experiences—those from quiet observation and those from intentional participation—merged and integrated. Through this integration, they offered me perspective: a handle I could grab, a kind of anchor I could attach myself to. By simply being—whether here or in other, less tangible locations—I was inevitably led to carve out a consciousness that is uniquely mine.
That unique perspective, consciousness, and idiosyncratic way of perceiving and holding experience—and then communicating it back—is what led me to exactly where I am. Because I chose to stay alert and aware — kicking and screaming some of the time to be sure — no moment I spent sleeping or awake has been wasted. The total of all I have gathered, and all that has blasted itself against me, is what I bring to this moment. It is the same for all of us. These are the things that give us shape and form, that bring us to who we are.
Over time, I came to realize that I am an integral and inseparable part of all that is. The All That Is is the most potent, dignified, and infinitely creative and loving force. It holds all possibilities. Even if I possess just one drop of that power, just one morpheme of that capacity, nothing can stop me from becoming. For I am Tao’s pioneer, its very own reconnaissance agent.
So how can I not see myself as the Source of my experience? The more I accept full responsibility for being the creator of my own life, the more I download my true inheritance. The more I can flow with what is and what happens—not just deflecting blows but dancing with them—the more I can step into my capacity to create my life. Even though many events truly appear to be the result of other people’s choices, it is most empowering to be willing to be wholeheartedly accountable for all of it. By accepting unconditional responsibility for everything that has ever happened to us, we become the masters of our own lives.
Now it is time to step into who I am. It is time to fully open to the next level of beingness that life wishes to express through me, and to take it on with everything I have. I have only a glimmer of what I am about to embark on, but I am filled with the desire to pursue this journey. I know that, in this process, all of who I came here to be will have the opportunity to be unleashed. Welcome to the most unprecedented experience of my life.
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