RESILIENCY IN TOUGH TIMES: BREAKING THROUGH DESPAIR

Father Mother God, Creator of all beings —

Unparalleled Lover from Whom emanates the boundless capacity for love
and for eternal care;
from Whom issues all balms to soothe and heal all wounds,
Who has known and suffered through us and with us all wounds that are possible –
that have ever been –
and Who has received these many hurts into His-Her Heart, speaking peace to them
holding them
caressing them
acknowledging them
accepting them
feeling their pain with them
suffering the deepest of nameless agonies with them.
Offering them up and into His-Heart to be healed.

Father, Mother God, Creator of all beings, release us to our most profound truths,
and to our highest, most majestic expression of all that is good, and right, and beautiful.

In the name of Father, Mother God, we pray that all that is wounded is healed, now and forever. Amen.  ~ GC

We may not want to accept it, but the unexpected is part of our daily lives. The unexpected is regularly woven into the routines of our organized lives. It appears, again and again, inserting itself into our spreadsheets and carefully maintained portfolios. And just as the unexpected reminds us that we cannot escape the cycles of chaos, the weather, or the seasons, it also reminds us that change is an inescapable fact of life. We are only fooling ourselves if we think otherwise.

What is resiliency? It is the ability to recover. From profound fatigue, from loss, from disappointment, from change, from shock, from trauma. From having your life inverted and turned upside-down without your permission. There are many things to recover from as we move through our lives. Not all of them are equal in intensity, but they all require that we adapt.

Again, resiliency is the capacity to bounce back from despair and vulnerability, yet still embrace life and move forward. We need the willingness to accept change, to surrender to the unknown, and be willing to meet the demands of change if we are going to allow resiliency to flow through our lives.

But how do we get there?

II. Situations and circumstances that lead to the need for resiliency

When you’ve lost your job, your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend, your house, your child, your beloved pet, when you’ve been forcibly and permanently separated from who you loved and what you need to live, the grief and shock can be overwhelming. When we no longer have the support systems of financial flow, shelter, and/or we’ve lost persons and pets who provided us with emotional connection and support, we’re not having a debate with despair, loneliness, or terror – we are those things.

When change comes, particularly change that overturns our well-laid plans and cracks the foundations on which we built them, we never fail to feel betrayed. Or victimized and or outraged. Or wonder whose fault it is and where to place the blame. Or perhaps wonder what the heck karma is still dogging us, demanding payback. Then we give in to our suspicion that the universe is a rigged system and always has been. Sometimes the system benefits you, and sometimes you’re just irrelevant. If causes always had clear-cut and logical effects, and we knew that taking certain actions always led to specific results, life would be much simpler. And kinder.  

Change can be so immense and irreversible that we have no idea how to start rebuilding. And looking at the blasted wasteland of what was our life, it doesn’t appear that we can rebuild. We have neither energy nor resources.

So what now? How do we navigate something for which we have no precedent? How can we wake up each day and still choose to move forward?

III. So who am I to talk about finding resiliency when the going gets really, really tough?

A few brief highlights

My parents were immigrants. My mother was born and raised in Ceiba, Puerto Rico. Her mother died when she was barely an adolescent, and she stayed home to raise her 12 siblings. Years later, she joined her sister in the Bronx. After permanently leaving Havana, Cuba, my father walked from Florida to the Bronx, New York City. He slept on park benches and ate out of garbage cans, but this was nothing new for him. His mother, the only person who ever cared for him, died when he was very young, leaving him to be starved and beaten by his father, and mistreated by his cruel step-brothers. He was not sent to school. He ran away from his home, which was not much more than a shack with a dirt floor, and became a child laborer under brutal conditions. After he became a father and husband, he revisited his family with the abuse and neglect he had suffered.

This is the legacy and the reality I inherited, which affected how I perceived the world and my own value. I grew up in the South Bronx, where landlords had abandoned the tenements to poverty and crime. The inhabitants of that time and place were powerless in nearly every way a human being can be powerless. Most were on welfare; those who were not worked at jobs that paid very little; most were victims of domestic violence. Most had only a rudimentary education. They did not know how to find help or stand up for themselves. I grew up in the South Bronx, where there was constant gang warfare. Homeless and abandoned cats and dogs faced agonizing deaths from starvation and cruelty. 

Years later, disconnected and steeped in naïveté, I lost my best friend and the most faithful ally I’ve ever known. This loss has been an irretrievable thorn in my heart that reminds me every day to never, ever, ever take another human being for granted.  

After an unexpected physical breakdown in 2008 — the meniscus in both of my knees mysteriously ripped to shreds, and I was in a wheelchair for months — I lost an excellent job that I had managed to hold on to for 8 years. I did not find another until 9 months later. Towards the end of 2010, I lost that job when the company moved its offices. I was unemployed for a period that turned out to be 14 months long. Also in 2010, the guy that I was nearly engaged to went on a trip to Ireland and never returned, having decided to focus his affections elsewhere. Over the course of 14 months, I applied to over 300 jobs, all of which I could reasonably fulfill—at least from the descriptions. Out of those 300+ applications, I landed two interviews. The first attempt did not result in a job offer, but the second was successful, and I secured a position at a law firm. As it turned out, the advertised job description and the actual job duties bore no resemblance to each other. The downgrade in job duties was not to my liking or a benefit to my resume, but after 14 months of diminishing resources, I was grateful for what I had.

After a little over a year, I was laid off, ostensibly due to the firm’s economic restructuring. It was my last “official” job. Three of my precious cats had died within the previous year and a half. I lost my Colorado home of 31 years and left Colorado’s unique beauty. I left behind family, friends, and contacts; beloved parks and lakes, and my secret, treasured places. I was numb with shock and fatigued to a depth I was not even aware of. The impact on my body in the form of an aggressive autoimmune condition gradually unfolded.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For five years, I lived in a city that broke my heart every day. I was a foreigner here, a stranger not to be trusted. This city was ugly to me, devoid of beauty and kindness, and the stench of the ubiquitous dumpsters with their open lids and spilled garbage was relentless. The poverty, the unemployment, the crime, the homelessness of people, and the abandoned pets overwhelmed me with sorrow. For nearly every day of those five years, I sobbed out loud as I stood in the filthy arroyo where I had set up my feline rescue feeding stations. These stations were repeatedly destroyed, and I repeatedly rebuilt them, refusing to give up on my mission to rehabilitate and re-home these precious discarded beings. I yelled at my guides and I demanded that the feline devas do their part to protect their own. I eventually realized that they were protecting their own — through me. There was no more help to be had.

How could I have come to this, to these circumstances, to this life after my years in beautiful Boulder, Colorado? I often recalled the dangers, poverty, and helplessness of my childhood in the South Bronx. My long journey to what I believed was my final haven did not end with that haven. But I had always known that my fortune was tenuous and fragile, utterly dependent on the linchpin of continued employment. When that pin got pulled for the last time, a cascade of consequences, like an avalanche, buried me.   

IV. Going deeper into the experience of shock and loss

When we face situations that we did not choose, we often feel powerless, angry, and betrayed. We begin to question ourselves: Did I ask for this? Or perhaps we wonder if we deserve it because we have been “bad” — is this my karma catching up with me? If that is the case, please show me what I need to do to restore balance. Without such guidance, I might feel tempted to lie down and die.

In the 2000 film Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, the protagonist, Chuck Noland, faces a profound survival crisis when he is stranded on an uninhabited island after his plane crashes in the South Pacific. At the time of the incident, Chuck was a federal express employee with an established life. He has a girlfriend whom he plans to marry, and his network of co-workers, family, and friends is solidly in place. Suddenly, he is cast into utter isolation, cut off from his loved ones, and utterly dependent on his personal resources to survive. Whether or not there was a higher force that guided the protagonist to the island shore, he still had a choice to make. He could continue living, find a way to survive on the island, or he could make an exit.

Although the horrific experience of ripping Chuck out of his life was not planned, he was nonetheless confronted with the urgency to do something about it if he wanted to live. He was being asked, should he choose to do so, to continue the act of his own creation by creating his life without the support of community, peers, or comfort. He was on his own, absolutely and irrevocably. If he were to live, he would have to become the Creator and stand in the place of God. He ultimately chose to fight for his life, but there was no way he could know that this period of his life would last an eternity of four years.

When we find ourselves stranded and isolated, we are constantly faced with the choice to give up or to fight for our lives, applying everything we are to unfamiliar and hostile territory. Isolation and limited resources are daunting circumstances, and they can either crush the faint-hearted or catalyze your courage to reach for new life. It doesn’t matter that you have no clue what that life will now look like, or how you make it happen. What matters is that you choose to live.

V. What makes the difference between giving up and persevering despite the odds?

A deeper look at what’s really happening when you’ve lost it all

When you’ve been stripped of everything you relied on for support, you are in the space between the stories of your life. This is the Liminal Zone, a place that’s neither here nor there. In a very real spiritual sense, you are neither dead nor alive. When we’re in that space, we don’t know if we will ever get back to our former life, to our worn but comfortable story, or if we will get back at all. If we do, it will be with a new identity and a new story. And therein lies the invitation of the Liminal Zone. It is here, at the threshold of the terrifying unknowable, that we have the opportunity to be reborn.

Stamina must be at the foundation of our lives. It’s not only a physical attribute, but also a mental one. As our world changes, we must adapt to these changes. We must press on, ever optimistic that we will rebuild our lives. Stamina is grit and hope and idealism, all rolled into one.

There you have it. The story of your life as you knew it is over. Your old familiar comfort zone is gone, but there is an opportunity to make a new one.

When you’re in the Liminal Zone, without a story and without an identity, time is experienced differently. In a sense, there is no time. No schedule tells how long it will take you to break the trails that will get you back to your new home. But if you choose to live, you will create a new story and a new life. It can take weeks to years. Forget about your old track record. It doesn’t work here. Your body and your will are the gifts and tools that will sustain you.

Do not underestimate what this will ask of you. As long as there is an option to exit comfortably, the likelihood is great that many will take that exit. But the choice is really between these two things: taking on the terrors of the unknown or giving up despite knowing that you might live. This is the gift of the Liminal Zone – comfort may be hard to come by while you’re in it, but you are nevertheless offered the possibility of a new life.

Now you must put yourself back together, acquire a new body, a new identity, and a new story.

VI. How do you navigate all this?

We seek out those things that encourage and develop emotional resilience. There are things we can do to build resiliency. Some of it will arise naturally because your body wants to live.

IDEAS AND TOOLS TO GET YOUR RESILIENCE KICK-STARTED:

 • You cannot define yourself by your losses.  

 • In the same way, you are not defined by your experience of loss and trauma. You are not your trauma.

 • You cannot define yourself by the things you are attached to or no longer have. You were never those things in the first place. They were impermanent interior decoration and landscaping, subject to change.

 • Stay in the present moment. This will help you deal with fear.

 • Don’t isolate yourself. It’s deadly. Get with your tribe, or find one! If you can’t do this in person, there are options such as phone and online video conferencing.

 • REST! A rested body is a resilient body; a rested mind is a resilient mind. A resilient mind is a creative force.

 • You are still connected to everything; don’t believe that because you have lost something that you are not connected. Your anchor is your desire to live.

 • Develop a conscious relationship with your mortality. It will deepen your awareness of your eternal self.

 • When you’re hungry, eat! Taking in nourishment will ground you.

 • Allow yourself to grieve and scream, as needed. Go ahead, curse God and your Guides. They will not retaliate, and you will get your anger at them off your chest.

 • Use this time of heightened sensitivity to access awareness of your connection to all things.

 • Believe in yourself. I don’t care if you don’t or never did. Choosing to do so will empower you.

 • Calm your body, soothe your heart. Let your heart guide you towards what nourishes you. It knows. You know.

 • Trust your intuition. Don’t second-guess yourself. You know what’s right for you.

 • It’s OK not to know the outcome or the answers or how you will get from here to there. Allow spirit and your creativity to find solutions. There’s more than you acting here. Really.

 • Focus on what is working/focus on what you can change/ focus on your strengths.

 • In other words, fix what you can fix; let the rest go.

 • Surround yourself with beauty. There is still beauty out there!

 • You are always inside a bigger picture, a greater context. We do not know what the whole story looks like, and what part we are writing. It is always being written. You are the next great novel, telling a tale of ferocious courage. Live to inspire us.

  • Identify your core essential truth.

 • Connect to people who don’t give up.  

 • Hold your vision for what you know to be true.  

 • Connect with the people who believe in YOU, who see what you’re capable of.

 • Be aware that you are not alone; that many, many others share your vision for what’s possible for humanity, and who are actively working towards it. So what are you giving up for? Be with them.

 • Look for the victories. They’re out there. People everywhere are uniting in the cause of supporting life, and they’re winning.

 • Stop keeping it a secret from everyone, including yourself, that you are a winner.

 • Get a trainer/ get a teacher/ get a mentor.

 • Treat yourself with love and respect.

 • You have a unique legacy. Work with it

  • Deepen a friendship.

 • Thrive through inter-connectivity – join an organization that you can get your body, heart, and soul behind.

 • Surround yourself with life and living things.

 • Offer someone hope when they have none.

 • Stay connected to your purpose.

 • Play.

 • Engage the heart: love what is easy to love. It will keep your heart open. (My cats keep my heart open. Rescuing cats keeps my heart open.)

 • See the apparently insurmountable force as your great Ally. See it as a Mentor who encourages you to be courageous, to reach higher levels of mastery.

 • Resiliency comes from authenticity – above all, be yourself. (If you don’t know who your authentic self is when catastrophe comes knocking, you will find out!)

 • Learn the stories of others who have dealt with horrific circumstances and lived to teach about what it really means to be alive and cherish every moment.

VII: More on How to Navigate

From his book: Deep Survival – Copyright (c) 2003 by Laurence Gonzales

As a journalist, I’ve been writing about accidents for more than thirty years. In the last 15 or so years, I’ve concentrated on accidents in outdoor recreation, in an effort to understand who lives, who dies, and why. To my surprise, I found an eerie uniformity in the way people survive seemingly impossible circumstances. Decades and sometimes centuries apart, separated by culture, geography, race, language, and tradition, the most successful survivors – those who practice what I call “deep survival” – undergo the same patterns of thought and behavior, the same transformation and spiritual discovery in the process of keeping themselves alive. Not only that, but it doesn’t seem to matter whether they are surviving being lost in the wilderness or battling cancer, whether they’re struggling through divorce, or facing a business catastrophe – the strategies remain the same.”

” Survival should be thought of as a journey, a vision quest of the sort that Native Americans have had as a rite of passage for thousands of years. Once you’re past the precipitating event–you’re cast away at sea or told you have cancer–you have been enrolled in one of the oldest schools in history. Here are a few things I’ve learned that can help you pass the final exam.”

1. Perceive and Believe.  Don’t fall into the deadly trap of denial or of immobilizing fear. Admit it: you’re really in trouble and you’re going to have to get yourself out.

2. Stay Calm – Use Your Anger. In the initial crisis, survivors are not ruled by fear; instead, they utilize it to their advantage. Their fear often feels like (and turns into) anger, which motivates them and sharpens their focus.

3. Think, Analyze, and Plan.  Survivors quickly organize, establish routines, and implement discipline.

4. Take Correct, Decisive Action.  Survivors are willing to take risks to save themselves and others. But they are simultaneously bold and cautious in what they will do. They handle what is within their power to deal with from moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day.

5. Celebrate your success.  Survivors take great joy from even their most minor successes. This helps maintain high motivation and prevents a fatal plunge into hopelessness. Viktor Frankl put it this way: “Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it.”

6. Enjoy the Survival Journey. It may seem counterintuitive, but even in the worst circumstances, survivors find something to enjoy, some way to play and laugh. Survival can be tedious, and waiting itself is an art.

7. See the Beauty.  Survivors are attuned to the wonder of their world, especially in the face of mortal danger. The appreciation of beauty and the feeling of awe open the senses to the environment, allowing us to experience it more fully. (When you see something beautiful, your pupils actually dilate.) When Saint-Exupery’s plane went down in the Libyan Desert, he was certain that he was doomed, but he carried on in this spirit: “Here we are, condemned to death, and still the certainty of dying cannot compare with the pleasure I am feeling. The joy I take from this half an orange which I am holding in my hand is one of the greatest joys I have ever known.” At no time did he stop to bemoan his fate, or if he did, it was only to laugh at himself.

8. Believe That You Will Succeed.  It is at this point, following what I call “the vision,” that the survivor’s will to live becomes firmly fixed.

9. Surrender.  Yes, you might die. In fact, you will die – we all do. But perhaps it doesn’t have to be today. Don’t let it worry you.

10. Do Whatever Is Necessary.

11. Never Give Up.  If you’re still alive, there is always one more thing that you can do. Survivors are not easily discouraged by setbacks.

Copyright (c) 2003 by Laurence Gonzales

 VIII. Examples of historical figures who went through hell with resiliency in hand: Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther King, Jr., Elie Wiesel, Nelson Mandela, and Mohammad Alaa Aljaleel

Harriet Tubman, c. 1822 – 1913

Harriet Tubman became famous as a “conductor” on the Underground Railroad during the turbulent 1850s. Born a slave on Maryland’s eastern shore, she endured the harsh existence of a field hand, including brutal beatings. In 1849, she fled slavery, leaving her husband and family behind to escape. Despite a bounty on her head, she returned to the South at least 19 times to lead her family and hundreds of other slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad. Tubman also served as a scout, spy, and nurse during the Civil War.

Early in life, she suffered a traumatic head wound when an irate slave owner threw a heavy metal weight, intending to hit another slave, and hit her instead. The injury caused dizziness, pain, and epilepsy, which occurred throughout her life. It didn’t stop her.

She said: “I had reasoned this out in my mind, there was one of two things I had a right to: liberty or death; if I could not have one, I would have the other.”

Martin Luther King, Jr., 1929 – 1968

Martin Luther King Jr. (born Michael King Jr., January 15, 1929 – April 4, 1968) was an American Baptist minister and activist who became the most visible spokesperson and leader in the Civil Rights Movement. He is best known for his role in advancing civil rights, utilizing tactics of nonviolence and civil disobedience based on his Christian beliefs and inspired by the nonviolent activism of Mahatma Gandhi.

In 1968, King was planning a national occupation of Washington, D.C., to be called the Poor People’s Campaign, when he was assassinated by James Earl Ray on April 4 in Memphis, Tennessee. King was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal. Martin Luther King Jr. Day was established as a holiday in numerous cities and states beginning in 1971, and as a U.S. federal holiday in 1986. Hundreds of streets in the U.S. have been renamed in his honor, and a county in Washington State was also renamed in his honor. The Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., was dedicated in 2011.

I’ve Been to the Mountain Top speech excerpts. 1968, shortly before his death:

“Nothing would be more tragic than to stop now. We have to see it through. We go up together, or we go down together. Well, I don’t know what will happen now. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn’t matter with me now, because I’ve been to the mountaintop.

And I don’t mind.

Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not be able to get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!”

Elie Wiesel, author of Night, 1928 – 2016

Eliezer “Elie” Wiesel (September 30, 1928 – July 2, 2016) was a Romanian-born American Jewish writer, professor, political activist, Nobel Laureate, and Holocaust survivor. He was the author of 57 books, written mainly in French and English, including Night, a work based on his horrific experiences as a prisoner in the Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps.

Wiesel was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1986. At that time, the Norwegian Nobel Committee called him a “messenger to mankind,” stating that through his struggle to come to terms with “his own personal experience of total humiliation and of the utter contempt for humanity shown in Hitler’s death camps,” as well as his “practical work in the cause of peace,” Wiesel had delivered a message “of peace, atonement and human dignity” to humanity. He was a founding board member of the New York Human Rights Foundation and remained active throughout his life.

He said: “Our obligation is to give meaning to life and in doing so to overcome the passive, indifferent life. We have to go into the despair and go beyond it, by working and doing for somebody else, by using it for something else.” He also said, “When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.”

We should never lose gratitude for the life we still have, the life we are constantly making.

Nelson Mandela, 1918 – 2013

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela (18 July 1918 – 5 December 2013) was a South African anti-apartheid revolutionary, political leader, and philanthropist, who served as President of South Africa from 1994 to 1999. He was the country’s first black head of state and the first elected in a fully representative democratic election. His government focused on dismantling the legacy of apartheid by tackling institutionalized racism and fostering racial reconciliation.

In 1962, he was arrested for conspiring to overthrow the state and sentenced to life imprisonment in the Rivonia Trial. Mandela served 27 years in prison, initially on Robben Island, and later in Pollsmoor Prison and Victor Verster Prison.

Quotes from Nelson Mandela:

“Difficulties break some men but make others. No axe is sharp enough to cut the soul of a sinner who keeps on trying, one armed with the hope that he will rise even in the end.” “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

 “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Il Gattaro D’Aleppo — Mohammad Alaa Aljaleel (late 30’s – early 40’s; still active)

Mohammad Alaa Aljaleel is a Syrian ambulance driver and rescuer, and until December 2016, he lived in East Aleppo, Syria, where war has been raging since 2011. 

While driving his ambulance, Alaa noticed all the strays that had been left behind when their owners left the bombed-out city. He began to feed them. At the end of 2015, thanks to donations, Alaa opened Ernesto’s House of Cats. It also contained a playground for children. The sanctuary fed nearly 200 cats and a few dogs. On November 16, 2016, the sanctuary and playground were bombed. The group’s ambulance and Alaa’s home were bombed. As the bombing continued, many of the cats were killed.

He could have fled the country, together with his wife and his three children. Instead, he decided to stay out of love for his country, his people, and the animals. Before the war, he worked as an electrician; now he is a rescuer and drives an ambulance. Every day, he helps the neediest people of Aleppo – children, the elderly, the disabled, and orphans. 

With the help of donations, Alaa rebuilt the sanctuary and children’s playground, added a veterinary clinic, and continues to take in cats, ensuring orphans are cared for, all while the bombs are still falling. He is not a 501(c)(3). He is 100% dependent on donations. And the bombs are still falling. But as long as there are people and animals to feed and care for, Alaa will be there for them.

IX. The Gifts of Finding Your Resiliency

GIFT: You will find your Core Essential Truth

YOU HAVE A CORE ESSENTIAL TRUTH. IDENTIFY IT, AND START LIVING BY IT.

There is something that endures and exists within your core, unaffected by time or place. This is what gets revealed after everything has been stripped away. This truth is what your life is anchored in. It is unwavering and immovable. Stay connected to this truth, and it will sustain you.

What is happening to you right now is not the ultimate truth. It is not YOUR ultimate truth. This is because you are much, much bigger than this moment, this circumstance, this issue, this problem, this time and place.

When you realize how big you are and how powerful, your current awful circumstances won’t be able to compete.

But how do I tap into that – access that power?

Ask Yourself: What is my core essential truth in the face of the insurmountable? Identify it and articulate it. This truth will anchor you when things seem hopeless.

What are your core values and beliefs? Do they hold up under deep stress? If so, they will sustain you.

The author’s essential truth: Life matters. No matter what, I support life to the end.   No matter what, MY life matters and YOUR life matters.

You have to be willing to master the core knowledge that drives the Universe’s existence. The core knowledge of the Universe is that selfless consciousness rules the Universe. Selfless consciousness recognizes at all times that it does not exist for its own sake. Selfless consciousness knows that it exists only in relation to others and that others are part of its existence.

You are bigger than your experience of loss and trauma. You exist in relationship to all things. You are universal. And therein exist infinite possibilities to get what you need to create your new life.

GIFT: You will find your Life Purpose

Digging deep into your personal resources to get yourself out of uncomfortable or difficult circumstances will unearth treasures that reveal what you’re truly made of. From this, you will find your calling. Because you will have found yourself through:

 • self-reliance.
 • the courage to persevere in the face of an unknown future.
 • the courage to persevere without external aid from tools or others.
 • the courage to tend your own wounds.
 • profound creativity in designing new applications to deal with what you’re facing.
 • learning to deal with, and accept, severe restrictions and limitations.
 • learning new skills that will take you farther than you’ve ever been.

GIFT: You realize that your soul has always told you what it wants. You need to listen! There are directions, a map, and instructions to guide you.

What does the soul want? The soul wants to be fully present and engaged. The soul needs to have experiences that challenge it to expand and develop new aspects of itself. Don’t be surprised when change happens. It is inherent to the soul to be creative and to be dynamic. As sparks of God, we are each a god in our own right. God is the mastermind par excellence of Exploration and Creation. 

XI. Life on the other side of loss, or the new story

The protagonist in Cast Away would not have made the effort to reach deep within and begin to cultivate new skills, nor would he have had any incentive to step into becoming the person he now needed to be, if his life had not been at stake. The person he needed to evolve into, if he were to live, required a new mindset, new tools, and a new perspective on what his life—and Life itself—was about.

When Chuck got back home, he had a medicine bag bursting with new skills and self-knowledge. With these hard-won and intrepid tools under his belt, his capacity to handle whatever life brought him had increased by magnitudes. Whether or not he had asked for training in new levels of mastery, he was nonetheless given a stark and unprecedented opportunity to do so. And he would need to apply these tools because the life that had been taken from him was not restored. His losses were real and they were permanent, and he had to live with that and still make a new life.

WELL, HERE YOU ARE! YOU MAY AS WELL LIVE THE MOST MAGNIFICENT LIFE YOU CAN LIVE, WHILE YOU LOOK FORWARD TO CREATING WHAT’S NEXT.

XII. Resiliency is a Practice, a Way of Life

None of us knows what’s around the corner. None of us knows what the future holds. We need to be prepared for the unexpected. We need to stay vigilant, and rather than resist, cultivate our capacity for resilience at every opportunity. You have no idea how resilient you are, and perhaps have not considered that your spiritual power is greater than your fate.

Resiliency is Your Calling

You are not your limitations.
You are not your fears.
You are not the projections of others,
nor are you defined by others.
You are uniquely YOU.
You know who that is.
Wake up. Get up. Get moving. Step out, step up!
Claim your birthright. Draw down your blueprint.
All of it. ALL OF IT! Don’t leave anything behind.
Hold nothing back!
As long as you’re still here, as long as you’re alive,
As long as your boots are on the ground,
your creative capacities to remake yourself and your world
in the image of all that is good and beautiful, and what you
know, in your heart of hearts, to be just and true
is completely available. To you. And from you,
to everyone and everything else.
Do it. Re-make yourself. I dare you. The Creator was only
just getting started when you were made.
The Creator was never prouder than when you said,
“I’m here now, and I’m taking over.”
The two cents in your pocket have nothing to say about that.

~**~**~
 Without change, challenge, and struggle, there is no resiliency. Without resiliency, there is no evolution. Without evolution, there is no you.

 © | Gloria Constantin | All Rights Reserved |

Need help or have questions? Contact Me

 

IN THE LIMINAL ZONE

At the Threshold
At the Threshold

In WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH HELL, KEEP GOING In this article, I discuss the profound survival crisis that the protagonist of *Cast Away* encounters when he becomes stranded on an uninhabited island. After four years of perseverance and adaptation to a harsh environment, he ultimately manages to free himself from the extreme confines of an isolated, ascetic life. I explore the intimate and meaningful process of navigating the challenges he faces during this difficult journey. ~ Gloria

In the Liminal Zone, we are eyeless, voiceless, and without skin to cover our bones.

We become like wanderers in the land of the dead—a stark desert swept by howling winds. In this metaphorical place, if you listen closely, you can almost hear the whispers of lost souls—those unable to move on, trapped by grief, and those who search relentlessly for answers about why they are there.
 
When you’ve lost your job, your spouse, your child, your beloved pet, when you’ve been forcibly and permanently separated from who you loved and what you need to live, the grief and shock are overwhelming. You’re not having a debate with despair, loneliness, or terror – you are those things; they live inside each cell of your being, roiling through your guts in an endless loop of horror. You are now inside the cruel universe. This is about your absolute powerlessness to do anything about being swept away, tugged under violent waters, and thrown against sharp rocks and jagged reefs. And it all happens without your consent while you choke, unable to scream or protest.

And then – miraculously – you are flung to the surface and you gasp madly for air.

Unknown depths stretch endlessly before you. If you want to live, you must now tread through them. You have entered the Liminal Zone, the bridgeless chasm between the life you had and the one that does not yet exist. You are in the space between the stories of your life. When we’re in that space, we don’t know if we will get back to our former life, to our worn but comfortable story, or if we will find ourselves on a different track in a new story, or if we will get back at all. And therein lies the unassailable terror and invitation of the Liminal Zone. It is here, at the threshold of scathing unknowability, that we have the opportunity to wrestle with personal limitations made even more potent by the inscrutable environment we find ourselves in. The story of your life as you knew it is in its death throes.

In this space of complete vulnerability, we don’t know if we will live or die.

Death is the end of the current story. The resurrection of what was is not a likely option, so what will the new story be? We don’t know. We can’t know. We can only guess at what’s possible. We can try to calculate the odds by accounting for external resources and the capacity of our ingenuity, including our mental and physical health. It’s possible, too, that although the apparent horizon holds no promise for it, life could change for the better. Some unplanned events or resources could unexpectedly appear. But if we want to live, one thing is certain: we must stay focused. We do not have the luxury of displacing this primary focus with endless philosophical queries and metaphysical excursions into WHY. We must make our peace with what is and proceed. If we want to be able to write ourselves into the future, we have to be the authors of our lives in thought, word, and deed. However, to reach the future, we must pass through the Liminal Zone.

Once inside the Zone, your former identity is unceremoniously shed.

The attachment to your accomplishments – to the “Great Work” you put out in the world – becomes irrelevant and dissolves into a lack of meaning. After all, it cannot sustain you here. The identity you established in your former life is violently hacked right off your bones. Your persona is altered beyond recognition. It is here, in the Zone, that you are dismembered. You have become Liminal.

Now you must put yourself back together, create a new body, a new identity, and a new story.

In 2013, I wrote WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH HELL, KEEP GOING where I talked about the deep survival crisis the protagonist of Cast Away is plunged into when he is stranded on an uninhabited island. After four years of persevering and adapting to a harsh environment, Chuck Noland is finally able to free himself from the extreme confines of an isolated, ascetic life.

Navigating the Liminal Zone

When Chuck’s plane went down in the South Pacific, he was thrust into the Liminal Zone. What did he reflect on during those long, lonely days and nights, especially when he knew that he might never see his family or friends again? He knew he could die of illness, starvation, or exposure. What kept him going, despite the loneliness and the acute unknowability of his future? Although he made several attempts to end his life, he continued to push forward into and through the Liminal Zone, eventually making his way out. 
 
But how did he do that? How did he make his way to the other side? To begin, he was still in his body, intact. There were no immediate ways available to end his life other than returning to the ocean and intentionally drowning. But such an act is counter to the body’s instinct to survive. The innate tendency is to preserve one’s life for as long as one can. And that is how Chuck moved forward; he looked for ways to hold onto his life. Although there was a huge learning curve in understanding his new environment and mastering it sufficiently to stay alive, his perseverance and small successes encouraged him to continue to make the effort to live. That is not to say that he did not have frequent nightmares that this was how life would be for the duration, or that he completely ceased to entertain taking his own life. I believe he walked between the chafingly disparate worlds of wanting to live and needing to die, and sometimes his need to die created pressure so abrasive that it was only his greater need to quell his hunger that saved him. His continuous dialogues with despair and hope were companions as inescapable as his breath and as inevitable as the blood running through his veins. Nevertheless, he pushed forward—driven by hunger, hope, and despair—and in doing so, stretched his capacity to wait, be patient, and be resilient in the unknown.
 
When you are in the Liminal Zone, time is experienced differently.

In a sense, there is no time. There is no schedule for how long it will take to break the trails that will lead you to your new story. It can take weeks, months, or years. Your body, your spirit, and your will are the gifts and tools that will sustain you. The Liminal Zone gives no quarter; you either commit to your life or you die. This is the gift of the Liminal Zone – comfort may be hard to come by while you’re in it, but you are nevertheless offered the possibility of a new life.

The Thing Is by Ellen Bass

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.

The Thing Is by Ellen Bass, from Mules of Love.

© | Gloria Constantin | All Rights Reserved |

Need help or have questions? Contact Me


UNEMPLOYMENT, KARMA, AND WHAT IS

WAITING FOR SPRING
WAITING FOR SPRING

Job loss and prolonged unemployment are ongoing realities for millions in the United States. I have personally experienced multiple layoffs, and each time I return to work, it has not restored the stability I once had. The financial damage caused by unemployment is rarely fully recovered, especially when savings deplete and debt increases—an almost inevitable outcome, given the inadequacy of unemployment benefits. Even after securing a new job, the burden of debt can feel overwhelming, making recovery seem like a distant goal.

While some people argue that personal responsibility or karma explains job loss, these beliefs overlook the widespread nature and frequency of unemployment, which affects all demographics. This issue is much larger than any individual’s actions and challenges the myth that hard work alone guarantees success. The concept of self-reliance overlooks the systemic forces that affect us all.

What stands out, then, is that employment depends on more than individual effort. Securing a job always involves others, whose decisions ultimately determine our opportunities—no matter how much we try to lift ourselves by our “bootstraps.” This interdependence challenges the notion that personal merit alone is enough to secure a job.  

At the end of 2010, I experienced a layoff that lasted for 14 months. During that challenging period, I applied for over 300 jobs that matched my qualifications, but I received only two interviews. The first interview did not yield any results, while the second one led to a position at a law firm. Unfortunately, the role did not align with the job listing, and the actual duties provided little to enhance my resume. Nevertheless, after 14 months of searching and with dwindling resources, I was grateful to have a job.

However, just over a year later, I was laid off again due to the firm’s economic restructuring. This was yet another instance in a long history of layoffs that had persisted since the early 1980s.

To gain a better understanding of my situation, I sought input from others. My well-meaning friends offered various perspectives: “This is your karma coming due,” “You’ve ignored your life’s calling,” and “It’s a wake-up call from the Universe—figure it out before it’s too late.” These comments placed the entire responsibility for my hardships on me, while also suggesting an upside: if I can create discomfort, then surely I can create joy and abundance. Supposedly, this journey is about recognizing what the “Universe” wants from me, and I can’t achieve that simply by holding a job.

What is Karma?
I want to take some time to explore the feedback on my question, “What do you think might be going on here?” First, let’s start with a shared understanding of karma. In Hinduism, karma refers to the principle that individuals reap the consequences of their actions from this life or past lives, and possibly even multiple previous lives. It is a cosmic principle that emphasizes that one cannot escape the repercussions of stealing what rightfully belongs to someone else—especially essential items like food, clothing, shelter, and funds that are necessary for a person’s survival.

Moreover, taking away resources that enable someone’s well-being—such as education, reputation, and health—disrupts their ability to live the life they are entitled to, a life they may have agreed to before birth. Stealing someone’s foundation of support is akin to stealing their life force, and in this sense, it can be compared to murder, as it removes all choice from the affected person.

This act creates a significant imbalance in both personal and universal order, which must be corrected. Ultimately, no one can avoid the necessity of returning what does not belong to them. While some may believe they can postpone facing the consequences for multiple lifetimes, an unavoidable force will eventually compel them to restore balance and do the right thing, whether they like it or not.

Karma is magnetic. When you are in the vicinity of someone to whom you owe restoration (or who owes you), you will feel drawn to them. Often, you will feel an overwhelming attraction. The intensity is not easily dismissed. This is necessary to establish a relationship that will allow you to resolve past painful interactions. Note that there is also attraction with dharmic agreements (but perhaps without the burning intensity of karma), such as teaming up to perform a mutual task. Follow the yellow brick road as it were, and the purpose of the connection will eventually be revealed. In both cases, there is a mysterious pull that you will want to explain as “that person is fascinating,” or “that person is attractive,” or “they have something to offer that I’ve been looking for.”  In any case, your karma has hooked you—or your dharma is calling.

Sometimes karma takes on the form of direct payback. What you did to another will be done to you by that same person. In this instance, the other person is forcibly taking back what belongs to them rather than waiting for you to return it graciously. This is far less pleasant than engaging a relationship that may have other mutually rewarding aspects, but lacking gracefulness as it does, it gets the job done, and you are released from that karma. This is the form of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, but more advanced souls prefer to avoid such literal payback. It is far more pleasant to heal the broken connection between you by offering gifts that serve the same purpose as returning stolen goods. This also opens the opportunity to take the relationship to a higher level, one in which you mutually find ways to assist each other’s journey. The willingness to do this will depend on the severity of the original theft. It will be much harder to accept someone who previously murdered you as a friend you can trust. It can, however, be done.

Often karma works like this: instead of being drawn to a person or a situation (place of employment, organization, course of study, educational institution, and so on), you find yourself the surprised and unwilling recipient of a series of unpleasant and life-altering events. Bewildered at how and why these events have occurred to mess up your life, you may begin to search, not only for the cause behind those events, but for the meaning that might be behind them. In this scenario, you are experiencing what it is like to have crucial support taken away from you, allowing you to intimately understand what you did to another when you stole what they needed to live a flourishing life. This type of karma is sometimes referred to as self-karma because it is not brought about by the direct manipulation of another person but by an agreement you made with your higher self to understand the ramifications of undermining or destroying another’s life options.

Unemployment as Prima Facie Evidence of Karma
Given the above, I could conclude that I might be in the midst of self-karma. Alternatively, I’m receiving direct payback from former employers, reflecting past actions of mine towards them. If stressful circumstances are always a sign of karma, unemployment becomes a forced restoration by my employers, repossessing what I once denied them: livelihood. That’s one possible answer to why I lost my job. But other facets exist. Perhaps karma is not involved at all. The immediate reason given, downsizing, often points to a complexity that encompasses more than a simple explanation.

How to Know If It’s Karma
How do we determine when karma is at work? I don’t believe there is any way we can know beyond the shadow of a doubt that we have entered karmic territory. Still, when you feel as though you have stepped into the twilight zone – meaning that the status quo of your life peels away unbidden to reveal strange images, dimensions or new insights, or time seems to slow down and even freeze, or there’s nothing you can do to convince the other party of your good intentions, then you might be in the zone of karmic payback. Other things may also be happening that have nothing to do with karma and are not the subject of this discussion; however, it is sufficient to say that karma can manifest similarly to what I’ve just described.

However, the proof of release from the karmic pudding ultimately comes down to this: you will know when a karmic tie has been released when the charge of the situation is gone. You no longer feel compelled to remain in a relationship with someone, or at a job that was replete with unsolvable issues, because after the restoration has occurred, you begin to feel calm, balanced, and neutral about the whole thing – that is, after you are done processing your human reaction. It is as if you have awakened from a long nightmare, and you know you are now in your right mind because the fever that once held you in its thrall has finally broken. At this point, it is a matter of choice whether you walk away (assuming you haven’t been irrevocably dismissed) or stay to create a new, healthier configuration that all parties agree to take to a higher level.

Signs of the Times
Sometimes it isn’t the karma of the immediate parties that is in play. It could be the signs of the times, that is, the historical context that everyone shares, and which is the common denominator to which everyone, regardless of station, status, creed, race, or gender, is subject. According to a July 28, 2013, article, Survey: 4 in 5 face near-poverty, no work (published online at TPMLIVEWIRE by Hope Yen), “Four out of 5 U.S. adults struggle with joblessness, near-poverty or reliance on welfare for at least parts of their lives, a sign of deteriorating economic security and an elusive American dream. Survey data…points to an increasingly globalized U.S. economy, the widening gap between rich and poor, and the loss of good-paying manufacturing jobs as reasons for the trend.” From another article: “The vast majority of people in the United States will experience poverty and economic insecurity for a significant portion of their lives.” For the statistics behind that statement, see Gary Lapon’s article, Poor Prospects in a ‘Middle-Class’ Society, August 18, 2013, published in the online magazine Truthout.

Without too much argument, I think we can agree that national and world affairs are an inextricable superimposition on the course of our lives, mixing their enormous bandwidth into the much smaller frequencies of our own. We barely need to raise our heads to see that fracking, the broken nuclear reactors of Fukushima, the BP oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, ethnic genocide, human sex trafficking, and many, many more life-ravaging actions have a reach and impact far broader and deeper than any personal karma could hope to claim. These acts are karma against the entire planet, generated intentionally on an incomprehensibly large scale by the abusive politics of power.

The Global Karmic Pandemic of 2020
In 2020, the entire planet found itself at the mercy of a pandemic caused by a new virus, SARS-CoV-2. Some believe this virus was cultivated through the imbalances resulting from the cruel and unconscionable ways human beings treat animals and the environment. The extreme physical cruelty that caged animals in wet markets and factory farms endure affects their immune system. Forced to live in filth and lacking health and freedom, they become easy hosts to bacteria, parasites, and viruses, which quickly overwhelm their bodies. These malefic entities easily pass to humans (and then the animals get blamed and subjected to inhumane wholesale slaughter). When you consider that these beings have emotions, live in constant terror, and endure horrific pain, it is clear that the damage done is multi-dimensional with far-reaching effects and is nothing short of sacrilegious.

There is also a belief that this virus originated in a laboratory. Regardless of its origins, one must consider that the actions taken to create it or cause it to be manifested reveal a disrespect for life, including a disregard for the impact on the planet as a whole. 

The effect of this virus, whether one wants to call it karmic or not, is nevertheless karmic in its impact. When I first wrote this article in 2013, the number of people suffering from unemployment was far, far fewer. Yet each one of those people suffered no differently from those whose multiple sufferings are directly related to unemployment. At the time, the numbers were not enough to influence change in federal and state policies. Now the numbers are striking — off the charts — and yet Congress must argue and delay taking obvious action to do what needs to be done. They must do their job and take care of their people, or add yet another straw to the unraveling of the structures that support the lives and well-being of human beings. Not doing what you have been tasked to do with the explicit power to do so, especially at the level that can make or break civilization, creates karma.

The Destruction that DOGE (the Department of Government Efficiency) Wrought
In 2025, the new administration’s actions resulted in a blindside ‘cleansing’ of multiple departments in the federal government, leading to thousands of people losing their jobs. Most of these departments were already understaffed, making their ‘cleansing’ severely crippling. Some departments were shuttered entirely. The eradication crusade against ‘waste,’ ‘fraud,’ and ‘abuse’ included demanding that law firms, universities, and individuals exercising their right to free speech restrict their businesses and activities to comply with new rules. Legal scholars universally regard these new rules as unconstitutional, but the consequences for violating them have been severe. Although the majority of lower courts have ruled that these actions are unlawful and unfounded, the administration continues to pursue its objectives in defiance of these rulings. The Supreme Court has vetted the racial profiling of brown people and people with accents. The Department of Homeland Security’s ICE forces are responsible for the violent assaults and detention in squalid hellholes of thousands, including pregnant women and children.

What is this about? Human beings have a dark nature that desires to conquer, subdue, and exclude. Conquering has also often meant breaking and destroying systems and structures that, despite not being perfect, nevertheless cobbled together processes that supported humanitarian goals. There is nothing sacred when this nature is unleashed. Think of the Dust Bowl effect, the swarming of ravening locusts, tornadoes, or hurricanes. Has the karma of the United States, whose founding fathers were wealthy white slaveowners, come home to roost? Are we being shown that democracy, voting rights, and equal opportunity for life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice were always tenuous? And are they tenuous because these were never solidly based on the genuine belief that all people are created equal and all have the same right to a life where they can actualize themselves? The truth behind all the lies is being brutally revealed on a giant screen that everyone can see, and will hopefully inspire the necessary corrections and restorations to be addressed.

It is very likely that when so much breaks and falls apart, our karma has caught up with us.

Karmic Impact, Delays, and Detours
It is not sustainable to be repeatedly knocked down in the name of paying back karma. It doesn’t make sense to continually remove a person’s livelihood, leaving them unable to fulfill their life tasks and agreements. In other words, it may not be karma that is at work. When we painstakingly created the agenda for the current incarnation, we agreed to address our karma – working through past unbalanced painful situations with others, the working out of our own self-karmas — as well as our dharma-through the continuing expansion of our souls. We do this by surrendering to experience, including specific life tasks, agreements, facilitating and mentoring others, relationships, upgrading old skills and learning new ones, and stepping up into a larger (or smaller) game, to name a few. To fulfill both karma and dharma, we bring through the themes of a dozen or so past lives that are consonant with the themes of our current life. The goal is to realize ourselves more fully.

But things don’t always work out as planned. Sometimes we have to fill in the gaps, creating and re-creating from scratch. We can experience delays, detours, or reroutes. Sometimes there’s a deliberate abdication by those who agreed to help us. And, life isn’t set in stone. The best-laid plans of the wisest souls are still subject to the slings and arrows of unpredictable fortune – accidents and other people’s choices.

When your efforts to make yourself at home are repeatedly obstructed, it could be because you are presenting yourself for membership in a tribe whose tasks and agreements are not in alignment with yours. They will not recognize who you are or what you have to offer. This is true even if you function competently in their environment. The phenomenon that occurs in these instances is a lack of familiarity at the soul level and a lack of agreements of various kinds, including work agreements, facilitation agreements, mentor agreements, and opportunity agreements, among others. The phenomenon of lacking agreements makes one a foreigner. And although foreigners can be seen as attractive because they are different, those same differences can also be perceived as threatening and even repulsive. If you find yourself in a workplace where you experience constant abrasion, and the tribe is busy creating “evidence” to support their low opinion of you, it is time to leave. It is not likely you will be able to convince anyone of your value. You may consider that what is at work here is a form of self-karma in which who you are is ironically mirrored back to you by reflecting who you are not.

However, finding yourself in situations like this doesn’t always mean that you are working against your own agreements. It might mean that, or it might mean that the community that holds your agreements is not available. Your creativity and willingness to participate wherever you find yourself are essential to keeping the threads of your life from unraveling. Sometimes it is necessary to make things up as we go. The upside is that we develop mastery in flying by the seat of our pants, using our own initiative and wits to keep body and soul together.

The Larger Context
We all live within a context that has been shaped and is being shaped by capitalism gone wrong. Those of us who know better make no bones about this – human beings have created a political and economic civilization built on the belief in power-over, competition, and the “survival of the fittest.” This paradigm is pervasive, and even if one sees right through it, we as individuals are still left to deal with its consequences. Without a cultural belief that embraces the right of everyone to the tree of life, which includes making available the financial resources and opportunities to allow individuals to bring forth their best contributions, each one of us is on their own. Some of us have family and friends who can, from time to time, help bridge the gaps, but many do not. Even so, without a larger societal support structure that recognizes the grave reality of unemployment and resulting poverty, the suffering of millions will continue. These comments are also meant to include the handicapped, the aging, the lesser skilled, and those who suffer from debilitating physical or mental issues. Their entry into the “game” is even more severely circumscribed.

The reality is that for most of us, our voices are limited, and our contributions are often undervalued. Nevertheless, we cannot give up or surrender. We must believe in our right to be here and in the necessity of fulfilling our unique purposes. It is essential to recognize a universal truth: without our full participation, the evolution of life and the Tao itself will be hindered.

These times demand collective courage and a willingness to dig deeper to make a difference. We need to be aware of how our personal contributions contribute to injustice and inequality, recognizing where our words and actions may be thoughtless or unkind. Individually, we must strive to live righteous lives with conscious awareness. By doing so, we can help mitigate the consequences of both individual and collective karma.

These times also call for the creation of a community that takes its directives from an ideology that fearlessly declares: We are all one; it is unthinkable to leave anyone behind.

 © | Gloria Constantin | All Rights Reserved |

Need help or have questions? Contact Me

 

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